Praise for the little things

There are many things I am thankful for this start of a new year. My family, the ability to stay home with my little girls and my husband's willingness to be the provider for our family, a great church family.... the list goes on and on and definitely includes the "God-induced amnesia" that wipes out all detailed memory of labor and the first weeks of the newborn stage. Hard to believe that already, when I think of the events of two weeks ago, they don't seem so intense anymore. Not saying we're ready for #3 yet..... but I'm pretty close to taking back what I said to Jarrod about if we had any more kids they wouldn't come from me :)

So while I can still remember... here's what I've learned from my first two weeks of life with two-under-two:
- Babies cry. While I knew this to be true with E1, I had the ability to intervene each time she cried and now there are times when E2 cries and I just physically can't get to her right away. She's survived.
- Schedule schmedule. Just do what you can when you can. Eventually there is the possibility that both kiddos will eat/sleep at the same time and the dishes may get done within 24 hours of being used. No one's grading my time management right now.
- Siblings are a blessing. E1 is, already, so sweet and motherly to E2. If she's crying, she'll be right there with the paci or run to me to let me know E2 is upset. She shows (and shares!) her toys. Eliaya loves to be praised for being a good sister.
- Discipline still matters. While it's been so tempting to just let Eliaya do what ever and just try to mange the baby, I know E1 still needs boundaries. She's rebelled against them looking for attention, but as tiring as it is, consistency is more important now than ever.
- Coffee is my friend. Weird for me to say, I know. Having only had maybe 3 or 4 cups of coffee since nursing school, I was reluctant to pick it back up. But it was either that or be in a groggy fog all day long. I plan on cutting it out soon, but am SO thankful for the little boost it gives for now
- Have a camera ready, always! But don't think you'll actually catch most of those precious moments. If I thought catching "the moment" with one was difficult, whoa man is it more with two! Most of my pics are just "post-event", but they are still precious to me. Luckily E1 is starting to enjoy posing for pictures, so at least she looks in my general direction now :)
- Pray. Often. Hard. I feel like the Reed family can't quite catch a break. First Jarrod was sick, now he's on the mend and Eliaya seems to have caught a similar bug! So thankful for space to keep sick kids apart and germ-x to be able to love on both.
- Taking time to take care of and treat myself makes me a better momma.
And most importantly, I cannot do this alone.
I really struggled after Eliaya was born to accept help from friends/family, thinking "oh, I can do this, she's my child". While Elora is most definitely mine, I get that it takes a village. I am SOOOOO thankful for the village. Not only do I need the village, but I need time with the Lord daily. Usually a few times a day. Whether it's during an early morning feed or an afternoon nap, I need to be in the Word. Psalms have been my encouragement these past two weeks, especially Psalm 32. It talks about how blessed are those who have been forgiven by the Lord. David reflects on the agony of life with hidden sin and how it destroys joy. The Lord waits for us with open arms, ready to receive. My own selfishness stares me in the face during these first few weeks of newborn. It is so good to be reminded of the freedom that comes with confession and how the Lord provides rest, instruction, and steadfast love to those who seek Him. I pray today that I would be an example to my children and those around me of the joy that comes from walking with, and not against, the Lord.

Psalm 32: Blessed Are the Forgiven (ESV)

32 jBlessed is the one whose ktransgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord lcounts no iniquity,

and in whose spirit mthere is no deceit.

3 For when I kept silent, my nbones wasted away

through my ogroaning all day long.

4 For day and night your phand was heavy upon me;

my strength was dried up2 as by the heat of summer. Selah

5 I qacknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, “I rwill confess my transgressions to the Lord,”

and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

6 Therefore let everyone who is sgodly

offer prayer to you at a time when you tmay be found;

surely in the rush of ugreat waters,

they shall not reach him.

7 You are a vhiding place for me;

you preserve me from wtrouble;

you surround me with xshouts of deliverance. Selah

8 I will yinstruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will zcounsel you with my eye upon you.

9 aBe not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,

which must be curbed with bbit and bridle,

or it will not stay near you.

10 cMany are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one who dtrusts in the Lord.

11 eBe glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,

and fshout for joy, all you gupright in heart!

Not By the Books

She's here! FINALLY!

Elora Grace Reed made her debut Thursday evening, and boy if there's one thing we've learned from her already... it's that not everyone or everything goes "by the books"

Recap...
I was already a nervous wreck, being past my due date and looking like labor was no where in sight. I (semi)joked that this kiddo would just stay in until she started kindergarten. Throughout pregnancy, I wasn't really affected by my being a labor and delivery nurse- wasn't super anxious or concerned about the "what if"s. But all that changed when my due date came and went with no baby.  I had a hard time thinking about anything other than 'what if she gets too big?? what if she can't tolerate labor?' - it was a vicious cycle. So, as you can imagine, I was thrilled when contractions started Wednesday evening during dinner.
We packed big E's bag and sent her to grandma's and Jarrod and I prepped for laboring through the night (He's convinced that babies never come at normal hours). Things were moving along, albeit slowly. We watched a movie and tried to drift off to sleep. Around 5am, I decided that I was ready to go in to the hospital, not so much because baby was coming soon but for needing a change of scenery.
Get there, checked in and settled. Contractions start spacing out.... weird. Still coping well and doing what I can to keep labor moving along. In the back of my mind I think "ok, get her out by lunchtime and I can send Jarrod for panera... that sounds so good!". Little did I know what was in store...

-Side note: Theoretically, first time labor is anywhere from 18-24 hours. Eliaya was about 14-15, lucky me. Most people cut that time in half for their second labor. So, all pregnancy long I had been prepping myself for a 8-10 hour max process. Doable. End in sight.

Okay, so lunchtime comes and ..... still pregnant. No progress, really, since 8am. Very weird. Weirder still is that contractions have near halted..... and stay halted for HOURS. The book says that's not supposed to happen. Discouraged, I take a nurse up on the offer to try accupressure. Let me tell you... I didn't put much stock in it before, mostly from lack of exposure, but I do now! That finally got things going again around 3pm (so much for panera for dinner....) and I was hopeful Elora would make her debut soon. Then comes 6pm.... still no baby. Still no real change. Worry creeps in stronger by the minute. Having done labor unassisted till this point, I nervously think about interventions and medication. Will they be necessary? Is this kiddo gonna fit? I am spent. Utterly exhausted. My (hindsight idolized) plan is quickly fleeting. My nurse, a good friend of mine, suggests using an IV medication to take the edge off for a bit and help me relax. I did this with Eliaya and afterwards she was ready to come. 45 minutes of near bliss. Not sure what I said during those 45 minutes, but it was a much needed break. Check again... still no labor progress. I've gone long past worry and into frantic at this point (revealing my sin tendencies entirely, and it didn't help that I'd been up for near 40 hours at this point). I know I need an epidural and medication to help labor along if I want to avoid a c-section. But ooohhh.... the fear. Jarrod, who had been my strong rock for sure up to this point, literally came to my rescue, sitting by me praying and helping me focus through each difficult contraction. We agree to go ahead with the epidural ,getting all the necessary medicines and prep work as fast as possible. As soon as we're ready.... I get the news that there has been an emergency on the floor and both the anesthesiologist and my OB are stuck in the OR. It will be 15-20 minutes before I can get the epidural. Again, I start to panic. I has braced myself for just a few more contractions before getting some relief and wasn't sure I had the strength to make it any longer. I felt like there was no doable option. Seeing my frantic face, my nurse and husband stood me up (contractions are usually easier to deal with this way). Just a minute or so later and BAM! I had to push. Anyone who has had an unmedicated delivery knows the sensation I'm talking about. You almost get primal. It's like every cell in your body is solely focused on one thing.. pushing.
Sure enough... Elora picks the one time when the MD can't be there to make her debut! After just a few pushes, my RN friends caught little E and the pain was over. Praise the Lord, she's here. She's healthy. She's a peanut! Tears flow and praises utter from my mouth to the Lord. I can't remember if they were voiced or not, but I know He carried me.
For labor with Eliaya, I memorized John 16:21, and it has so much more meaning to me now.
When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.
This time was harder. Longer. I'm sure I said crazy things (one of which was telling Jarrod if he wanted any more they wouldn't be coming from me). But I'm so glad it went the way it did. I learned more about relying on the Lord, being vulnerable with my husband, and the blessing of being a mom in those 24 hours of labor than I had through any other ordeal.

So in short, don't listen to "the books" and what they say should happen. The Lord is sovereign and knew exactly what I needed to experience to break my idol of self-sufficiency, to show me how strong He is, to show me immense patience so I can show it to others, and to how to give a special gift.  I write this all down, not so much because I think any one will find it all that interesting, but I want to remember what the Lord has done for me. I want to be able to reflect on times where I know, beyond any doubt, that He carried me. That being said, if you did read this story... thanks for letting me share. I hope that you are encouraged to trust Him through all circumstances, especially the difficult ones.

Now here are some pics of the little piglet (as she's affectionately called):

 Meeting big sister for the first time! Not necessarily love at first glimpse, but they're definitely fascinated by each other

 Little sis "brought cookies" for Eliaya, that goes a long way with her :)

 Born 12-19-13 at 8:43pm. 6 pounds, 6 ounces and 20 inches long. What a full head of hair!

Do I speak like a rotting carcass?

Psalm 5
David asks God to "Listen to my words, Lord," (Ps 5:1), because he must plead for God's "favor as with a shield," in a particularly evil situation (Ps 5:12). There is a common theme to the evil men who surround David: they are "boastful," and "speak lies" and are like a "deceitful man" (Ps 5:4-6). So, the most probable sin to fit this type of person would be flattery and wicked counsel. It is not difficult to imagine David speaking about one of the wicked counselors either to him when he was king or plotting against him when Saul was king or in Absalom's rebellion. Particularly fitting would be a man like Ahithophel who as David's counselor conspired against him with David's son, Absalom, in a temporarily successful coup. After being told of his adviser's treachery, "David prayed, 'O Lord turn Ahithophel's counsel into foolishness,'"(2 Sam 16:31). If the wicked adviser prompts Psalm 5, David perceives flattery and wicked advice like speech from a dead body that pollutes everything.

"There is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue. Make them bear their guilt, O God; let them fall by their own counsels," (Ps 5:9-10).

Is this too harsh? Certainly, to intentionally deceive one who trusts you for your advice is pretty low. History casts out the traitors. Yet, could not Ahithophel have thought that David's indecisive leadership demanded a drastic change? Could he have not reasoned that David's son Absalom possessed exactly the kind of personality and leadership qualities that could turn Israel back to prosperity? Such ends do not justify his treachery, and David's vivid critique is warranted. God is both the source of, and characterized by, truth, so to spew forth lies is blatantly ungodly.

What may be surprising is first that simple flattery is attacked so ruthlessly. Treachery may be vile, but what's wrong with telling someone they look great when in fact they look hideous? One need not berate people to speak truthfully. For advisers, kings needed men who would speak truthfully, and consistently with God's word. A king surrounded by "yes" men was ultimately alone and without counsel. Similarly, we all need friends who will dare to speak honestly more than telling us what they think we want to hear. Why? Because it is through difficult confrontation that we often become keenly aware of our sins, the need for God's help to change, and have the impetus to do so.

The warning in Psalm 5 is clear: do not use words to lie, even in something as seemingly innocuous as flattery, because ultimately such false words only lead to death, potentially for both speaker and listener. Thus, David prays that God would let deceivers fall by their own counsel. The encouragement is twofold. First, do not speak deceitfully, but ask God to "lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness," (Ps 5:8). Part of this prayer includes speaking the truth, and being willing to confront others rather than flattering them. The stronger encouragement is the source of strength to obey, "you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favor as with a shield," (Ps 5:12). We can dare to speak the unpopular truth, knowing that God leads us to speak truthfully, and takes care of the implications.

This short psalm has implications for evangelism. Many times when we meet someone who needs to hear the gospel we allow natural fear to override Godly zeal. Instead of simply asking a friend, "What do you believe about Jesus?", I will waffle into a more ambiguous category, "Do you go to church?". Do I have the courage to tell someone who does not believe in Jesus that Scripture clearly states they are under (and will be eternally) God's wrath (John 3:36)? This is perhaps the most dramatic case in which telling people what they want to hear is speaking like a rotten carcass, because the Gospel brings life, and the Spirit has already brought us to the opportunity to speak.

For those who suffer from flattery and habitual lying, there is hope. Take refuge in God, and dare to pray like Isaiah, "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips," (Isa 6:5). Embrace forgiveness in Christ after confessing your sin, and ask for His grace to transform your words. Fill your mind with true and truly valuable things, following Paul's advice to the Philippians, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things," (Phil 4:8). Begin to consciously pray before you speak, asking for His grace to speak kindly and truthfully. You will be amazed at how faithful God is to transform our very words into something true, beautiful, and life-giving.

Toby Mac fittingly sings the command, "Speak life to the deadest darkest night...look into the eyes of the brokenhearted, watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, you speak love, you speak life," (from "Speak Life").